God allows us to feel the frailty of human love so we'll appreciate the strength of His. - C.S. Lewis
Jesus tells us to fix our eyes towards Him, who is the author and finisher of our faith. (Hebrew 12:2) It's sometimes gets blurry during the storm around you. You try your best at reading His word and relying on His promises not earthly promises.
After three weeks of taking our baby girl home, I felt my whole body shake and woke up scared. I wasn't sure how it happened but I decided to check out baby girl before going to the restroom. I reached over, felt her gentle head, and heat started to go through my nervous system.
I knew something was wrong.
I took her temperature and came out to be 104 degrees F. We rushed her to the ER center, which they transported us to a hospital who specializes in children.
Before I move on, I want to warn you that below is very heartfelt and went through a place that is similar to hell.
We arrived at the hospital. Before they started examination, they told me that what was about to transpire is traumatizing for the child as well as the mother especially since I wasn't fully healed from giving birth.
They were right.
First came the pokes because they couldn't find her veins. Then came the swabs. Then came screaming and crying from baby girl. Then more test, more blood withdrawn, more this, more that. I couldn't tell you all the test they had to do on her. After ten minutes of the horror I experience, I started to get dizzy and my husband told me to leave the room. When I left the room, words cannot express how I felt. All I can remember was blurry vision, muffled sounds of my screaming baby and nurses talking to me, lights flashing, and heart racing. Tears was rolling down my face even though I wasn't crying. My mind went blank. I was going through a shock and I didn't even know it. I couldn't think, move, feel, or use any of my five senses. I was blank.
After some time, my husband came out to get me. All I can remember was my husband telling me that they couldn't find what was wrong with her after two hours of torture. They knew she had a fever and lack of oxygen, which she was in a breathing treatment.
Two hours?! How was that possible? Two hours of not knowing what the cause was.
We were placed in a room full of cords and machines. They were monitoring her breathing and Congestion. They couldn’t find a name for it so they said she had some type of virus from the “RSV” strand.
Little did I know, we ended staying for another 9 days. Nine days of torture. Nine days away from my husband and my 3year old son.
During those days she went from good to great to worse to the ICU. We knew she was going to come out victorious because of the promise Jesus gave us at the cross. We had to just have faith in Him.
Prayer team came by and lifted our souls. We had family stop by showing us love. Did I mention I don’t remember a time I took a shower or even had a good nights sleep during those days? We had nurses, doctors, interns coming in and out trying to figure out what was wrong. Kept us for too long. I became restless and angry. Felt like a lab rat with all these interns and back in forth in doctors not knowing what my daughter had.
I was done.
I demanded a real doctor who had been doing this for years. I kept getting the run around but I was done. After some arguments, I got what I wanted. A doctor came by and looked at my baby girl. He did a physical exam and looked at her stats. Within 10 minutes, he took her off the oxygen tank. I waited anxiously and prayed to God that this was a moment of a miracle. God was in control.
And He was.
Her oxygen went up and she was breathing like a normal infant.
The doctor told the nurse to give baby girl one more night just to keep an eye on her. If all was good, we both could go home.
Next day arrived, baby girl was doing great. She was a little stuffy but not enough from stop us going home. We were going home.
When I left the hospital with my baby girl, I remembered the first time I laid eyes on her. Esther 4:14 …You where created for such a time as this.
My sweet baby girl, Esther.
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